soft shoulder

you ever get that icky feeling that hollywood hyped romantic comedramas have mis-steered the mitsubishi of your heartstrings only to get you into a really hot hot…wheels spinnin, grindin ditch?

i wonder this of myself sometimes. but am not willing to blame hip hop…as the media is amped to do these days…it would be easy to blame hollywood for my car crashes. my interrupted cross country drive car & driver experiences. dang! why am i so neurotic…esp. in the ‘romantic’ slow lane. why am i always wonderin. why am i always…soooo dramatically unsteady. why my palms sweat so bad on the clutch? why am i so quick to pump at the breaks? why does external bad weather affect my internal vision, especially at night? why am i trying to drive this car…like my old ten speed huffy?

i can’t blame movies. i can’t blame my family. i can’t blame my friends for my breakneck wanna be underdog, needing to be assured 24/7…better yet 36/7 (???) meanderings and musings when i could just be calm and enjoy. i do think i’m worthy of unconditional love. comfort. but why do i always feel like i need to keep checking the tire pressure? why am i sometimes soooo curious about the blind spot? and better yet, who can i blame for it?

who?

brings to mine ‘soft shoulder’ from ani difranco’s album ‘to the teeth’

“two people pulled over on the same night
to look up at the same stars
they both found their wheels
were spinning in a soft shoulder
when they got back into their cars
they missed fate’s appointed rendezvous
and then a whole lot of time went by
and finally they were done worshipping
the landscape and they put down their hands
and moved into the sky
and they had barely said hello
and it was time to say goodbye

goodbye …”

and while that love was a quickie…
i guess the understanding is that when you find that person who wants to spin with you…in that wicked ditch, help u up, dust you off, as you do it for them…then there’s just no reason to drive alone.

(thank you)