signs and wonders

so, a week into my bohemian lifestyle. having lost my job to india…and not working. i feel utterly less jovial than i had imagined. i often think about the last time i lived this way…it was in between summers while i was a student in college…undergrad. i spent days eating odd combinations of foodial experimentations and eating a lot of pasta, recording music and writing. doing tons of laundry, going to the library a lot and hanging clothes out in the yard…my fam didn’t make me work. i made no money at all. but really expanded…somehow inside.

today however…money is my main motivation but i’m still bohemian…sorta…

i’ve narrowed down the place i want to go. it became really clear last week. the place that i think is for me fits all of my requirements…but there is also one more place…my own very delicate issue of which i have been reassured over and over again. sorry for the vague use of language. i have a fluid time schedule to see what all takes place how…and when. so, internally i’m aching to be gone off into the place i feel God has told me to fearlessly go and somehow inside that makes me feel free. freer. once i get my fam moved to our new house…the journey shall begin…for me…and they have added their blessings.

i’ve ran a tour de force of films. with the help of my friend stewart who attends my church and helps me in my movie selections at his second job. and with the help of one other special person in the life of heartbreak.

the movie that has affected me the most…is ‘no country for old men.’ it’s the kind of movie that makes everything amplified in my real life afterward. it makes me want to make movies in the worst kinda way. adapted from a novel, the literal transistion is so rich. the dialougue is perfect and so unconventional. there is a raw pleasurable beauty to a film that has no cell phones, barely even credit cards or ATMs. the actors, josh brolin, tommy lee jones, woody harrelson, javier bardem…all the supporting cast…superb. i was literally awakened and mesmerized by every bit of frame. totally impressed and magnetized by brolin, though. the old west vs. new (modern) world in this thrilling, suspense absorbed film about a maniacal killer is really something impressive. and the end…oh man!!!!!!!

movies i’ve seen also ‘phenomenon,’ ‘the kite runner,’ ‘gone baby gone,’ and eps of ‘weeds’ all i would suggest.

peace.

it’s all about the touch

so last night i attended a sit-down discussion between james mcbride (author and musician) and spike lee (my favorite film director of all time) at the mershon auditorium on the ohio state university’s campus. it was cold and rainy and wet but the night was very fresh, sophisticated and intellectual. this was my second time seeing spike speak at a university.

the first time was at wittenberg university. i just love spike lee. his contribution to the landscape of cinema is particularly rich and exquisite, personal, political and daring. my favorite all time spike lee film…this is soooo hard but it is ‘malcolm x’…my close second favorite is ‘25th hour.’ but it’s spike lee and you cannot just pick one or two and not mention ‘jungle fever,’ ‘do the right thing,’ ‘inside man,’ ‘crooklyn,’ ‘she’s gotta have it,’ and on and on. i made a point to buy ‘when the levees broke: a requiem in four acts’ last night. a film that terrifies me and i haven’t even watched it yet. i am afraid it will devastate and anger me beyond measure.

however, one point spike made…floored me…but it felt true to life for me. he said, ‘i am more influenced by music than film.’ yeah? me, too.

another excitable moment was a film preview for ‘miracle at st. anna’ written by james mcbride about four black american soldiers in italy in 1944 trapped in a village during WWII, starring derek luke, michael ealy, laz alonso along with john leguizamo and joseph gordon levitt. the preview bolsters the film as an epic but i think it will even go beyond that status.

i should add that james mcbride spoke briefly about his book ‘song yet sung’ of which he described it as a slave woman daydreaming of now. mind-blowing? yes.

anyway…it was a perfect night. and when i went down to take a photograph of spike lee signing endless autographs, my digital camera refused to cooperate. so i did the next best thing. ‘can i shake your hand?’ i asked. squeezed in by eager humans waving the night’s program notes. i was closed in on all sides. and he reached down and we shook hands. i shook the hand of my favorite director of all time. i touched the hand that touched the hands of endless celebrities…adrien brody, halle berry, angela bassett, samuel jackson, martin lawrence, denzel washington, alfe woodward, delroy lindo, jennifer esposito, ed norton, mira sorvino, rosie perez, michael rappaport, jada pinkett-smith, not to mention countless others. but yeah, i did wash my hands for dinner, later. i told my mom that i did…a little disappointed. ‘just remember the touch’ she said. and somehow that made a lot of sense.

down here in…

rented/watched a movie i had purposely stayed away from renting. ‘the last kiss’

which was surprisingly good. and why do i have a new thing for christian eric olsen (he’s such a bad guy in this flick)? (is he related to those twinzos?). and i didn’t know how i felt about zach braff because i didn’t like ‘garden state’ at all. but he brings this kind of charming post-grunge intellectual common man, new intellect to ‘the last kiss.’ anyway. the film was interesting because it tied into a relationship topic i had last week about how pleasant relationships can be…until we bring our mess. then in comes the drama…when we could just be having fun. why do we do that?? and is it okay to cheat? to get it out of our lusty systems…and if our relationship still works…it was just meant to be? no…i’m sure it’s just hollywood doin’ that fairy tale thing again.

brings me to a video pick…a steamy video pick…ties in again and again.

van hunt (a re-post ‘cause the song is killer). it’s ‘down here in hell’

if you’re a bird, i’m a bird

i like to act as if i’m hard sometimes. not affected by love so much. just kinda idly happening by like i need nuthin from nobody, acting like stuff doesn’t hurt and crap like that. i sometimes have this so much that my list of favorite films will include a short list of romantic films. i much prefer drama…politics…suspense, thrillers. the occasional scary movie…whacked out indie films or pumped up crime movies. the stuff that strays away from anything that would create a weep-fest of emotions. anything that would call on me to open up my heart more, to be crushed, to bring up something out of the emotional cardio lockbox. that place that i don’t wanna go ‘cause it’s just too much. too distracting. some of those areas when revisited create a zombie like girl-a-sode in me and it affects me for days on end. causes me to ride around and dream/sleep drive in some alternate universe where people actually follow what their heart tells them to do. i can usually get over the emotional push when i succumb to writing and thinking and staring out of windows and then later, somehow i’m much better.

well this weekend, i met my match. let it be noted, i also sleep on good films. i sometimes see them after the hype and then feel ashamed when i run up to someone and say “guess what i watched?” and they’ll wave me off and say, “you JUST saw that?”

aye.

i rented ‘the notebook.’ consequently it turned me into a mush-fest of a wreck. i was seduced by it a frame or so into the film and was so enchanted by it throughout. it is one of the best, sweetest blossomy, loveliest stories i’ve ever seen translated onto film. aside from the actors being believable and fresh, (one of my own personal faves anyway) rachel mcadams and i’ve already had a (hard to figure out) thing for ryan gosling, the film just really did things to me that i did not expect. it’s brought up a melodic storm now of new stuff for me to deal with that i didn’t want to deal with but i think were pressing on me anyway.

the notebook:
a tale of what looks to be a love lost ends up being a love that lasts. i guess i found myself somehow again. i guess love does make sense as i believe it does, even when it just doesn’t make sense. and that, that is the beauty of it all.