do what you are supposed to do!!

i really am just waiting for my tea…but, i’ve sat here and cried and i want you to know why.

a sorta distant friend of mine whom i’ve met once and have gone to a barack obama rally with is crazy talented…and a singer. so there’s this new john legend contest on the radio. you get a chance to submit your version of john legend’s song, “everybody knows.” if your song is selected you win a prize package when john comes into town during his tour.

we insisted that this friend go for it. he did and i just listened to his version and it is AMAZING. it took my breath away, literally. however this young man is working in corporate america and hates it. his voice is freakin AWESOME.

i also went to a play this weekend…talent…sheer talent inspires me deep.

i’m sitting here….waiting for my tea…and am working on some tunes with new software. and it’s making me feel as if i’m in control of my destiny. but just a few ticks of time ago…i was in utter despair because of how i feel about where i am.

so…in my half-state…between here and where i wanna be…my hope for you is that you ‘do what you are supposed to do’ go after that thing that makes you crazy-happy and uniquely you. it’s just a move. and in telling you this, hopefully i’ll be helping myself get more motivated as well.

it’s just a move. the pay-off will knock your socks off.

more ways to stay sane while searching for jobs

1. don’t believe the hype. for some reason the last couple years we have been inundated with those news stories. the ones that declare, “the 25 best jobs that are recession proof” or “the 10 best cities for work,” ok, believe the hype but don’t get fooled by it. still search as broad as you can.

2. take a loooong steamy bath with candles or incense burning. learn how to relax. investigate ways to stay ok.

3. buy the best shampoo. for the record, shampoo will never ‘herbal essence’ me, but a kick arse shampoo sets me ri-right…every daggone time. trust.

4. watch hgtv’s ‘house hunters’. this show makes me almost cry or throw fits. did you see the episode where this lady finds the most beautifulest (i know!!) home in cabo san lucas…ol’ girl even had an office with a 360 degree view of the ocean. lucky ass. but i love hgtv’s ‘house hunters’ you get to learn about cities, countries…the housing market…you get to dream. to me, tv today is mostly craptacious…but a few good shows still exist. or..write your own…and submit. keep all possibilities open and on you.

5. more of a warning, i am really troubled that companies are looking into people’s facebook and myspace pages. i equate that to determine an employee by looking at the bumper stickers in the parking lot. so be careful with what you put out there…or just watch your privacy settings or your name. it sux because you can’t have total freedom online…somehow it has been determined that it is expectable for hiring managers to inspect and use your online profile to access you as a potential employee. but what i want to ask is who is checking the facebook profiles of those already working in the office? will hr decide to let them go if they post a britney spear’s video on their myspace profile? and just how far is this gonna go? so, be careful out there.

6. go to the library. there are so many disciplines of study and so much instruction. you never know if a new focus or “light bulb” idea may happen. and it’s free.

7. don’t get caught up in your own disappointment. and if you do, don’t self-destruct. each breath you take could yield a new opportunity.

8. consider reality tv. my friend has insisted that we are going on ‘the amazing race,’ but we haven’t come up with a good story yet. i have auditioned for a few years ago, why don’t you try. you never know.

9. find good music. i’d suggest for those into a more instrumental yet funky mix kodomo’s “still life.”

10. if you’re a girl and you like oddly bad girl stuff and you just need to feel “liberated” try the last few minutes of ‘deathproof’ i could listen to the dialouge all day. quentin tarantino has a way of capturing a truly down, raw yet entertaining glance at girl speak. before you get it twisted…this movie is a movie…a violent one. but the cinematography is perfect…still picture perfect. the story is creepy and again…violent. but the artistry of the dialouge is genius. features…rosario dawson, tracie thoms, zoe bell (as herself) and mary elizabeth winstead. i’d suggest…just fast forward to this half of ‘deathproof’ it’s wild and it soothes my pain for all of 30 mins. or so. that’s if you are into riotgirl wicked violence…soothing…(ahem…) pain.

and then again…maybe i’ve said too much.

ways to stay sane while searching for a job

my insanity should be checked, job or no job, on a regular basis. but if that means it would stop the smiles that i get, maybe i shouldn’t ask for an examination after all.

the latest list of companies downsizing is ugly. it literally makes me sick…it makes my heart hurt and when i think of those numbers i think of families, more so people losing their much needed salaries. i rejoice at the prospects of president barack obama leading this country with an eager and resounding gasp of relief but i know that even he with all of his exuberant productivity so far, visions and dreams has said that it will take time. and that’s why i’m here…listening to a watering effect of techno music to later formulate an article for…but mostly to help keep you sane.

if you are currently unemployed what i am about to say will not help you but you should know that

“More than 2 million Americans requested benefits under the extended program in the week ending Jan. 3, the most recent data available. That’s in addition to the 4.6 million people covered under the regular unemployment insurance system, though the 2 million figure is not seasonally adjusted and is volatile.”

the end of january 2009 saw a 71,400 jobs lost. 2008 saw a loss of 2.6 million jobs. in december of 2007, the number of the unemployed was 11.1 million.

feel better? you shouldn’t. it doesn’t make me feel any better, i’m just giving you the facts.

so here’s a few of my suggestions

1. everyone stresses networking. but who are you gonna network with if no one is working? i say still network. tell everyone you know you never know what sympathetic ear might become a helping hand. try the school you graduated from. try even your church. try contacting colleges or their websites for career help and information. don’t discount the power of communicating out who you are and what you want. to be honest, it’s never worked for me but i hold out the hope that it could and frankly i haven’t tried it so much recently.

2. don’t despair. if you find that you are depressed about not finding an opportunity, if everywhere you go, you suffer a “no.” if you can’t pay your bills, travel to relocate, if you can’t find a win. DO NOT GIVE UP. DO NOT STOP LOOKING. NEVER. you can take a break from the stresses of looking and applying. you can whine and cry for hours about there being nothing out there. BUT NEVER STOP SEARCHING. if you find that you can’t take the strain, talk to someone. get help. i find that if i feel like i’m losing HARD, if I’m having an usually tough day i try to find something i can win at, a video game, a quiz show (for me specifically it’s jeopardy, the 12 year old school kids edition), or it’s finding a new hobby, but lately for me it’s running 5 miles with crazy music rattling the insides of my brain. i somehow revel in the achy legs, blurry vision and muscle strain only because it’s a goal and i win every time. it helps my bravado. possibly do self-satisfying volunteer work. try volunteermatch.com. or try your hand at something…a hobby, a freelance opportunity, creating a blog…writing. picking up an instrument you’ve always wanted to play. read novels. just get that satisfaction back of winning at something.

3. if you haven’t made that jump to getting on a social networking site like myspace or facebook…try it. you may connect with old friends who can possibly help or at least all those hours you spend finding the right music and layout for your page will at least take your mind off of things for a bit. (ok, i can’t believe i just suggested that)

4. be patient with people. i can’t believe that i actually get mad when people try and cheer me up. they say, “it will get better,” “a lot of people are not working right now,” or “have you tried (fill in the blank…)?” and they study me with their eyes like what they’ve suggested is the answer. and bless their hearts, mostly, it will be something so basic and remedial that i’ve tried it a thousand times over. they are just trying to be sweet, so be patient and tell them what you’ve tried…and be patient. and listen. and be patient and tell them.

5. GO OUT. i’ve been blessed with kooky friends who like wine and i like wine, i even like getting into discussions about wine. GO OUT and laugh and make fun of people’s weird black and white ‘where’s waldo’ sweaters. or go to a club and practice ne-yo’s “closer” dance moves or even soulja boi. just be sure to not waste away in gloom…life is still all about living.

6. explore your passions.

7. try learning a new language. take a class.

8. strategically try and analyze what makes you happy and try to get there as if it would cost you your life. out of crazy circumstances some of the best most ingenious things happen.

9. look up travel ideas at travelchannel.com and dream up a vacation in the greek isles of mykonos.

10. if you’ve applied to a certain “genre” of jobs and nothing’s worked, try something else.

11. most importantly, find a good friend, someone who is that perfect mix of a realist and a dreamer that you can discuss your lowest moods and your successes. i am blessed, i talk to God and my special…both always seem to put a smile on my face at the end of my “sessions” and there have been many sessions.

12. worse comes to worse and you are still hurting…post it here. i can try to help.

kirk franklin’s “chains”

the first time i heard this song…it floored me. the overall mood, sentiment…appealed to me when i was really down. but today i’m up and i regularly exercise to a wide variety of music: kirk franklin, rick ross, kings of leon, kanye west, nine inch nails, rhiana, jay z, robin s (lol), lil wayne…no matter, this song always, always moves me…so i want to share it with you. even if you ain’t about this spiritual stuff, hey, it’s a great song. just listen…

the vocals are perfect.

you can be down but not…

i need to preface this by saying i’ve never had a hard life. i’ve never had to fight for my existence. i’ve never been homeless and i’ve never had to go hungry. i don’t know what it feels like to see impending death or utter poverty, face to face. and i’ve never had a major illness or a life-threatening struggle but i do know what it feels like to be alone and i’ve walked this life where hurt and isolation were my only wicked companions.

i am painfully aware of what being utterly alone feels like. i have stared at it and it has gazed upon me, and held me in its arms tightly, so tight i wasn’t able to breathe. a couple years ago my life was very different from what it is now. back then i lived an internal pain and fear and i was at an extremely low point, emotionally. i struggled to survive and paint the outward appearance that everything was fine. i’d be so distraught and so heavy some days, nights and mornings, i don’t know how i had made it to work. and sometimes the rawness of my situation made me feel like a ghost amongst people. like they were living in a separate universe than mine. their weekends were filled with shopping, movies while in envy; my existence was a furious rage and an unquenchable fear. people i had relied on in the past were gone. people around me were gone. the depth of my pain was so real i didn’t know if i was going to survive. i felt the limit of my strength with every inch of time. i felt an incessant need for change, a glimmer of hope and waited days for it to come. and often it was as elusive as the people i felt i needed. i was pushed and bruised. scared and alone, even around people, even around family. i was distressed beyond the ability to even see clearly. there’d be days when i would get up from my desk at work and go to the highest floor in my building, and i’d just look upon the moving traffic below. at times, my smile came at the passing of a bright and beautiful fluffy cloud. there’d be days when i would withdraw in a bathroom stall and pray. snapping out of my despair if i heard someone at the door. even at home, i would retreat outside and long to just lie, stretched out and dormant on a bed of chilly green grass, i daydreamed that if i’d lay there long enough, change would come…i just almost could barely take the realness and the steadiness of my hurt.

i’d look to the things that would inspire me or make me joyous but even their pleasure would easily fade. my distraught, my pain, my fear, my agony, my anxiety, my loss, my limitations, and my hurt…those were my constants.

the only thing i could do was pray. sometimes i would just say something short. maybe a sentence or two and at those times when i felt an inch away from sheer nothingness, God would provide just enough of a glimmer of light that gave me hope to continue…

my life is much different than it was. i’ve been awed at seeing some things this year that were mere dreams. i’ve traveled more than i ever thought. i’ve been to states and cities i never thought i’d see. i used to daydream of the beach and i’ve played in the atlantic twice this year. yes, i lost my job to outsourcing but i have joy. the warmth that i sought in people…is a new reality and a stronger intensity for me these days…even in my travels. even with people who should regard me as a stranger. i do not believe in putting all of my hope, faith or trust in people…i, for one, saw the downside of that and i blame no one but me…but even i have been fortunate enough to find the beauty in a close bond with someone who continues to provide unshakeable support.

so, i want you to know, it’s okay to be down and out. i’m grateful for the circumstances that brought my pain…i’d rather have experienced the emotional depth in order to write this and share with you. and i’m reminded that everybody who has ever been influential in our world was dynamic in their struggle and more importantly in their sharing because it helped move someone else along. And no matter what you may feel, you are never alone.

as to what caused my pain and turmoil, i’ll just say it was a collection of many things, many circumstances, many people all at once. it was a loved one going through an illness, it was a lot of different things. it all came crashing down around me, left me alone, cold, empty and without shelter. but after having dried off from the drenching, i can give you this part of me enough to say, keep moving.

here’s a vid pick…my friend dan s. made me the best living colour mix. since, i’ve always been in love with this song…nothingness by living colour.