think outside the…

23 07 2008

there are certain phrases that i hate. for some reason the mention of them, no matter how cute or steamy the sayer…the repetition of ‘it’ drives me into a fit of helpless rage.

i, heartbreak, admit that i hate the term, “think outside the box.” for first…who the eff said i think in a box? i would like to imagine my thoughts are more circles or bright clouds…or um…in the shapes of floating leather jackets or um…barbie plastic sandle shoes. or lego blocks. or the facial frontal creative canvas of an etch-a-sketch. not a freakin box.

anyway…i’ve newly discovered a way to channel my distraughtful thoughts. oft i get locked into a frenzied mind-dance of self-doubt & defeat…but if i calm down enough to look at the issue from a whole new perspective…opportunity sprouts like a freakin newborn tree. try it sometime but the equation to equal anything requires a bit of trouble or agony…a puzzle…a problem.

for example. i am having zero luck pinning down a job in my old categories. but…i’ve learned through a bit more researching that my current position (soon to be over) coupled with a bit of my interest…a bit of my passion…equals a whole new crop of jobs to apply for.

so try this…

your issue, sprinkled with time…a new perspective…then move.

more specific??

my degree (master’s and bachelor’s) is in journalism, my professional background HR…my passion is in communications/writing…these facts open up many other possibilities i’ve never searched for…hence
technical writing (for i’ve written many procedures)
direct marketing (communication and writing again…in a corporate yet more expansive market)
public relations
advising/counseling/recruiting
i’m web saavy…
so, web marketing / research
and…
after hearing slowjams.com on the radio over the weekend…i’d love to dj an internet radio show…
and on and on…

don’t give in…just keep going.

here’s to thinking outside…you.





i heart writing but…

5 07 2008

it’s saturday. the saturday after my most favorite holiday, july 4. the mid-morning air is crisp and moving lightly in underneath the bottom of my open window. my ‘wanna be’ cool dark wood shades for world market allow a nice view of the street…my neighbor’s home across the way, the occasional jogger and the tree in my yard. my music is soft and i’ve just updated some writing of mine that i am really really excited and scared about.

i have been aware for a long time now…that writing is what i am supposed to do. it cleanses me and it moves me…it captivates me and reassures me. it is what is and what has always gotten me by. it is my best friend and my love. it is my answer and it holds all my questions. it is my beginning and no doubt, my end.

and even though it has proven from time to time to be mine…my power and my weakness. the thing that catches all my quirks…all my weirdness it still evades me as to what i want to do with it to earn a living…to be my lifestyle. i’ve always had to two-time it…cheat on it by having a 9-5. not because this is what i want.

i love writing so much that i enrolled in it as an undergrad…graduated in it as a master’s…and yet am still stuck as to how to get in. even, how to pave my way in this field. yet somehow i guess i’m thankful because the frustration has pushed me to write. i guess i’ll always need that wicked mix…but i’d prefer to do it…and get paid. stay true to my creativity…still.

i guess i’m bitter too. going to college, i had some scholarships but loans also. hence debt. and that debt the chain…linking me to the slavery of being financially indebted to the system, not free enough to roam about and be that bohemian writergirl i’ve always dreamed about. it’s tough smiling for the man, sitting in his cubicle while he forces me to tussle with his paper work for a small payment, bad health benefits and little incentive. especially compared to what he makes.

according to the center for american progress:
“The New York Times recently reported that the average CEO made nearly $10 million last year. That’s the average salary for CEOs at 179 large companies. The average worker, on the other hand, earns just under $30,000 per year, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. This means that CEOs now take home upwards of 250 times the average worker’s wage.”

contemplative. angry. and stuck.
living as a debt slave in this society…debt to major corporations and living in an economic environment that is outsourcing jobs and just not growing right now thanks to 8 years of the very unapologetic bush and cheney regime.

being financially stuck makes one stilted. you can’t travel, you can’t learn other countries, you can’t eat as healthy, you have to suffice with less effective medications, you have to live less safe, you have to work through despite every inch of your body telling you that you need to rest. it’s a vicious way of living with no easy out…except winning the lottery…and we all know those odds.

all this and my life could be worse…i do watch the evening news with my hand over my eyes. but i suggest that we…those who make less than say the average workers $47,000 a year…if WE banded together to change the price of gasoline, to demand banking corporations be less predatory, to demand equal rights, better health care…if we could forget about our racial divide and focus on what really matters…our survival in the world, and having a substantial financial mound to grow from…to allow our kids a better future…then…what are we waiting for? the amount of us making under $47,000 are…we are the majority.

for more insight…read paul krugman’s article, “the great wealth transfer.”

along these lines…here’s ‘guarantees’ by atmosphere who is a rapper who’s been in the game for a minute now. he’s freeekin’ genius…

what are we waiting for? we are actually sitting on power. untapped power to change the … our horizon.





what i’ve learned thus far. and possible recaps.

3 02 2008

okay…so it has actually been a while since i blogged about the (insert scary music) job search and my progress. today…yes, super bowl sunday…tom petty on mute i will update you.

what i’ve learned thus far. and possible recaps.

internet job boards aren’t so hot

word of mouth is best

yahoo’s ‘answers’ feature rocks when it comes to compiling information about anything job related-it pretty much works like a huge word of mouth info board. not only can you find insider information about job searching, where to look, industry and business company specifics…you can learn about qualified headhunters/job coaches, resumes, cover letters and areas of relocation. the difference is that this network consists of people like us…the positive piece is you gain a lot of information from ‘regular’ people…the key is constantly working at it…on all levels.

yahoo is cool like this because it is just information overload from all sorts of perspectives. that works wonders any day.

also…if you want to work for a certain company and you find their listings on an online job board…it will take longer to do but i’d suggest building a company profile on that company’s own website instead of going thru a bigger site with waaaaay more applicants.

another suggestion….which i did last week…is to find a headhunter. we spoke, i submitted my resume…fingers crossed…prayers said. find out if the headhunter/job coach has a good track record. this is important.

oh, and make sure your resume reads like your own story…don’t go all ‘generic.’ make it read like a story only you can tell. you have to stand out. there are certain words and catch-phrases that are a total turn off…vague, overused…don’t say much. look ‘em up…and get them out of your life.

and never stop telling folk what you are looking for…you never know who knows someone who can get you in.

hopefully this’ll help. continue the good fight and leave me some advice…we are…after all, in the same boat.

and yahoo…dear yahoo…i could really write good copy for you. what do you think? and i just know you have an HR department.

go giants!





welcome interruption

22 01 2008

so last week i had a tuff day. i had thoroughly managed to depress myself into a continual loop of self-criticism, public (meaning ‘inner’) ridicule and nausea.

my mp3 player wasn’t charged so i had to relegate myself to the few cds i had in my bag…the cds i’d worn out and overplayed and was plain tired of. and although i still got love for cassettes/vinyl and cds…at the time, riffling thru cds made me feel old and archaic. ‘i have to touch the music?’ ‘ugh! where’s my music…that’s like invisible? invisible music angel files?’ ‘where are mine?’

i was tired of everything. tired of working and tired of hearing the same old inane office talk about dogs/cats/husbands/dinner plans. i was tired of my chair. tired of my inner-office mail. tired of my cubicle and the carpet. tired of looking up to see the same old perforated white tile. tired of my office computer. tired of shuffling papers. tired of typing. tired of writing. tired of phone calls. tired of emails. tired of problem solving and tired of projects. tired of copy/pasting crap into even more crap. tired of the same old ideas and the same old questions. tired of silence. tired of noise. tired of settling for formality. time of waiting. tired of feeling ‘average.’ tired of feeling this way. tired of thinking up/drawing up/planning solutions to fix the above. tired of thinking, in general. tired of the cold. tired of asking myself the same questions to which i have no new answers.

so this constant loop of really toxic sentiment attacked my inner soul one day last week, until i feel a tap on my shoulder.

‘walk with me upstairs,’ she said. it was one of my co-workers.

‘i’m so bored i don’t wanna move’ i replied. hoping she’d take this as a sign and walk away.

‘get off your ASS!’ she said, not smiling. and i gave in.

sweet interruption.

and it makes no difference what encounters or dialogue occupied the next and final half hour of my work day…but my crazy friend and this distraction saved me from myself.

welcome interruption.

*and just in case you are wondering…we covered presidential candidates, candy bars, and how good one of our other co-workers smells…each and EVERYday…

not one of these things solved my dilemma but it did wonders otherwise.





everything may be wrong

16 12 2007

i had a revelation the other day…everything may be wrong with my job search. i am going to explain it like this…my current search has been primarily for hr positions in city x, y, and/or z. but why am i searching for an hr position while my passion is writing? why am i only focusing on hr when i complain…all the time about the confines of corporate america? why then am i settling for something that doesn’t captivate my joy? why am i settling for less than what i want? and why am i semi-searching for writing jobs, while i have many other passions?

sometimes we get tricked into thinking that our goal has one road…when in actually there are many routes to success. don’t forget this.

i was operating under the idea that my road for a job change and locale…had a lineal road. not true because there are many avenues we can take to get there. from reading various stories and articles about successful people, i’ve learned that goals, dreams, aspirations and answers…such as life…is way too wildly various. so why can’t our paths be wildly various as well?

i’ve newly learned what it means to never stop. to always be ready to change, ready for change and be willing to fix or alter the process. if you land at failure…keep going…don’t stop there because you’ll end up cheating yourself.

and if i may get spiritual for a minute…i was thinking…is God not allowing this for me because it just truly isn’t me? it won’t bring me the joy i want? it’s not where i need to be? He has something better? for i’ve tried and tried and tried…nothing’s working. maybe my focus is off.

if something isn’t working…immediately try something different…and maybe at some point keep trying that old thing…just in case.

with me, sure, i’ll stay on jobfox, monster and careerbuilder. i will continue to look at company profiles and make contacts. but i will also try many other industries that i am interested in. we are more faceted in more than we sometimes realize.

sometimes all appears to be lost…when winning is just around the corner.





rage-a-licious aka we’re breaking up

24 10 2007

after the rant last night, i feel i have an obligation to expand a bit.

i really don’t hate copy machines or faxes or phones, just the overuse of them. the constant waiting on them…the amount of pause they put into our lives gets to the nerves just a bit. i love technology but sometimes the amount of importance we put on it is a bit scary.

the only thing that makes me think that i don’t have a problem and that my work environment is really weird are the friends that i have there. we share our stories and our perspectives match. the same thing that stuns one of us, stuns the other. and we shake our heads at each other and drag back to our cubicles. unless we are all effed. but i’ve worked in various other offices and this one takes the cake. really, it does. columbus takes the cake of weirdness in a lot of ways. on my way home today i saw a cacophony of overzealous people who drive like they have no respect for human life. it is really something. sometimes those of us from other areas will get together and the conversation goes like this:

“hey, where are you from?”

“california.”

“do these people drive crazy or what?”

“you wouldn’t believe what happened to me this morning.”

and then they’ll take about a minute or so to describe a scene so awful. and i’ll counter back with an equally troubling story. there’s this really undeniable mean factor about the skill. i’ve driven in different states and i’ve lived in different cities. this one has ultra unique road warriors.

the thing that separates my friends and i is that we do (most of us) have our college degrees, most of the people in our office don’t and i don’t have a problem with that. some of the most brilliant people i know have no degree and if i’d have to pick a dream team, i’d fight someone to have those non-degree having folks on my side) but i do have a problem with petty office games and silliness. and lying. and not being fair. and trying to belittle others who do have college degrees. not listening. yelling. finger snapping and the like. that is not a productive office environment. it distracts and counteracts the work at hand. i do have a problem with management that does not say ‘thank you.’ i have a problem when recognition is deflected from the person who actually completed the project.

few things satisfy me more than getting a task completed. i love helping people because it makes me feel good. it’s rewarding. when i arrive in the morning my true desire is to get stuff done. my other true desire and prayer is that things run smooth. i’m not naïve, i know that every office setting has problems. and i do believe (no fault to who i work for) that when you are passionate about what you do…the toleration level of certain things is more manageable. i am not passionate about my job and i have no one to blame but me. so i will work on me (meaning getting my a$$ out and headed toward the passion) while being the best me at work that i can be. i’d have it no other way.

that said…i’ve also found that i am part of a clique at work. bull! i hate cliques…they are soooo high school and i talk to everyone. but i’ve heard that i am a part of the ‘cool people’ clique. rubbish. my job is not cool so there’s nothing to be grouped for or against about anything there.

but what i really wanna say is that…all things considered…i’ve learned a lot here. like at the end of a really good or really bad relationship. i have a better understanding of what i want now and what i don’t want…thanks to what i don’t want.





rage-a-licious

23 10 2007

i’ve really worn out my welcome with corporate america. i really can’t take it much longer. people say weird things and look weird and are angry and weird all the time. and on my way to work…soccer moms can be the ultimate worst. i try to numb out their reckless driving maneuver insanity with song…but it never outshines the vocal…not curse-word stained silent panic that comes from my insides…mondays are the worst days and fridays are the loudest. people are so thrilled to have a couple days away that they are practically frenzied. i can’t stand the calculating looks they give me…like they are doing multiplication tables in their heads when they talk to me. i can’t stand copy machines and fax machines and speaker phones…and loud speaker phones. i need windows that open, i promise i won’t jump. i hate air-conditioning in the winter. yes, i hate air-conditioning in the winter. and i take the steps because they keep me awake and i don’t like facing a computer screen for 8 hours straight. and i like to write with a pen and not type all the time. and i hate watching the clock…daydreaming and being so far from the dream and day i am daydreaming about. and i don’t like normality and suits all that much. and what really bothers me is when people bring their lunch in ann taylor and limited bags. get a freakin lunch bag already or a new crispy ann taylor bag and not one that looks like it is eleven years old. oh and don’t bring your leftover lo mein in a victoria’s secrets bag-just the idea of food and….eeeeey…not a good look. and i don’t like people misusing email sent to various people to cover mistakes that they later apologize to you for after they’ve shifted the blame on to you when you upheld everything on your end. and like a good chess move, you strategically have countered back emailing the same people to cover your own self…when all you did in the first place was needed, appropriate and necessary, meaning your name should have been left out of the email. and i hate those words like “pro-active” and “productivity” and i hate the term thinking “out of the box.” what freaking box? my mind is shaped more like a diamond or maybe it has a heart shape. ;)

it is hilarious when a company promises diversity and values…are those meant to be taken seriously? like are they really going to honor a different approach, especially when you’ve suggested one that no one follows and not a lame idea, but a really good one that is ‘out of the box’ and ‘pro-active’ and will yield good productivity? oh, and people who think their lives are intoxicatingly interesting who talk really loud about their dogs. and their neighbors and their lawns and their spouse and their children. what they ate over the weekend. who they were with. what they bought. what is that about? get a reality show if you are that important, everybody else who thinks they are important has one. why are there so many reality shows about people who are really…just not that important?

–the real me will return after she’s had dinner and maybe like a lot of really distracting yet tawdry and tasteless down time. oh, and yes…i know, even in my smoke haze of hatred…i am thankful that i have a job. that pays…sorta…





someone may be watching

11 10 2007

one of my work friends is leaving and i will miss her sooooooo much. in honor of her, i will share this story…and also because you never know when someone may be watching.

her eyes were wild. ‘i had a dream about that guy in the other department,’ she said. and by her expression, i could tell what kind of dream. it was sooo obvi it was a dirty sexy kinda dream. after she relayed the undulating and wicked details, we laughed and made up a name for him. weeks following, she or i, or both of us would see him randomly about the building. and if we were both near him, she would become still like a mannequin. let’s say we named him ‘gil.’ she would not even look at him. it was like she was scared. and all this is going on while she is heavy in a relationship with someone else. and this guy, gil, is totally oblivious to these two crazy girls…watching.

she also began to have other dreams about him. and in real life, small run-ins. she’d tell me in complex yet specific detail and it was often humorous obviously amorous and helped paint up the dull confines of stale corporate america.

‘he touched my waist,’ she said one day. ‘what?!?’ i asked. ‘i ran right into him. i must have been looking down. he touched my waist and asked if i was okay.’ ‘how did he smell?’ i asked. imagining a nice masculine dash of cologne that lingers and haunts long long after such encounters. she began to blush. ‘maybe he’s your soulmate,’ i said. ‘no, it’s only because of the dream that i feel this way,’ she’d always answer.

not long after that, she dropped her change in the break room and he was there to help her pick it up. ‘it was like we were in a movie. we were bending down and our eyes met. and he rips my clothes off.’ she blushed and her eyes glazed over. she laughed and when she did i think it snapped her out of her walking dream fantasy sex-capade. i knew somehow she wanted this film to be a real time sequence.

gil had survived as the resident hot guy for two years. even though we had a brief close second.

he was a temp and worked in our department. i was responsible for training him and we clicked instantly. he was south african, and a soccer player with reddish hair and overly steamy hot. but tragically a bad guy…he told me so. and because of the way he looked, i knew it to be true. he happened to pay me a lot of attention. he’d dance for me. and we’d exchange our music mixes. we even had rap battles on sticky notes. his were always rip-offs from other songs and mine were original. i even have one of his sticky notes in my cubicle to this day. it says, “get it together.” red ink…go figure. we even discovered that he played tennis by my house, even though i never saw him there. but as most good things, he wasn’t there long. and i don’t think my department, which is 95 percent female liked the idea of the amount of attention he gave me. but she, my friend, even had a dream about him…yes, a dream…that kind of dream. but she claims gil was waaay more affectionate.

‘gil’ and the encounters became our fascination. we even discussed his possible lasik surgery because he stopped wearing his super sexy black rimmed glasses. we spent countless work time contemplating if he wore briefs or boxers, was an ‘innie’ or an ‘outie.’ ‘i think he has a hairy butt,’ she said. and i’d grimace slightly at the visual.

it even began to wear me down. one morning i was looking out over the highway, some four stories up in someone else’s break room and on another floor entirely, as i often do in the mornings. i see gil get out of his car carrying a duffle bag. sometimes he would hold the door for me or would speak. but at one point i even tried small talk at the microwave. he was alright. all the while, my retinas taking in as much as they could hold so i could relate the story some time later to the woman who really really wanted to know. he did have an understated sexiness. contrary to a ring he’d sometimes wear, we even pegged him for being slightly sexually frustrated. and of course, we’d giggle.

after the weather got warmer, we’d sit outside. and one day just happened to see gil running by in red shorts and sunglasses, ipod, white t-shirt. focused.

we joked there was an imaginary extra floor on top of our building where they, my friend and gil…did stuff, very bad stuff. all the while, she being in a very very very committed relationship with someone who would probably not appreciate any of this. i think some office environments yield a certain amount of silliness and perversity.

at times we catch gil jogging. and my friend is so ‘taken’ with him, she won’t even watch…but i watch like an oogling thirteen year old girl. he has very nice legs.

so with her leaving, the assignment is to find a name for the face. his real name. and i’ve challenged her to at least talk to him. just passing conversation. she’ll probably never see this guy again. and boy, do we all have a past together, unbeknownst to the man who started it all.

so…just be sure that you never know who is watching…





trabajar

27 09 2007


there’s a seedy phenomena going on. wherever i’ve worked, i’ve noticed that the people who get up and out and move on to bigger and better things are the people that just don’t do right. and the people that stay and complain and try to leave are the ones who always try to do right.
i’ve worked with people who sit at their desks and in front of their computers and have their college books on their laps beneath to study. i’ve had people ask me to proofread ions of pages for assignments on their work desktop computers. i’ve seen people map out vacations. i’ve seen plane tickets. i see people searching for jobs, reading massive articles, watching movies. some are studying for their next big move…others openly search for other employment. and you know what? they move on. a few weeks down the line we’ll get an email that says crap like, “it is with extreme sadness that ( name ) will be leaving the company to pursue another opportunity.”ain’t that a b*tch? nope. it really isn’t…their grind works. whatever that bad stuff is they are doing…works.

they are my heroes.

the nerd folk bust arse to act ‘right’ or ‘ak’ right…as i like to say, and they send out a trillion resumes and never hear as little as a peep from a prospective employer. they wear about fifty phones around their belt (not a one rings…ever) and show up on time…and nothing. the same miserable soul you see december 2007 saying things’ll be different in july 2008. nope. they’ll be there in august.

but i bet the next time i as much type out careerbuil…in my company’s browser, i’m out like as if i were in the ring with tyson.

but i also bet whatever shoes you’re wearin…i’m gonna try.

this will be my experiment.

i’ll letcha know how it goes.
(i am so in a mischevious mood right now…i’ll go to bed…wake up…and forget all about this. i will be on time and do my work…you know…the good always wins in the end. furreal ya’ll)

(i know i’m crazy, just don’t tell me to my face)
;-)








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