pages from my notebook

i can tell this entry will be a rambling one…listening to the acoustic wonderings of ray lamontagne, my mind is both excitable and convoluted. my best skills in this distracted mood are best served mowing the lawn, vacuuming, or something constructive i can do with my hands.

my mind is all over the place but i know for sure that i’ve made an internal pact with ME to be more positive than i have been. i have always opted more for the ‘dark side’ because i always felt it fueled my work…my art. it held up my struggle and made it feel more intense more real. more me. i’m gonna try and change this. be more visual, maybe a bit more ‘the secret,’ you know? my blog no way is supposed to be anything regal or directive…it’s just my own little brick wall, my own graffiti spray paint for the larger collective. if you chose to decipher the words you may or may not be the better for it. my drive is putting the picture together.

i am in the middle of watching ‘vicky cristina barcelona’ i’m waiting for it to seduce me…while really digging rebecca hall’s abilities as an actress. she’s so real and natural. but i’m part way through, leaving it for el noche. ok, i know how cheesy that was…i do.

reading/listening…feeling it out to finally formalize my long-awaited academy award rant about how every year it’s nothing really new, nothing really remotely that emotionally relevant. like, the stuff that wins is the same old stuff while such dramatic outstanding work is released, shows in a few theaters and is never given such spectacle or enough praise for me. there are few exceptions…when i was in LA and went as far as i could into the kodak theatre lobby, it was good to see “crash” on the lighted decoration signifying its win. it was good to see “schindler’s list,” there too. i just get so bored with most everything else.

for example…there’s no way spike lee’s ‘miracle at st. anna’ should be missing from the nominees, there’s no way spike should be missing, or the leading young actors who did such a brilliant job…michael ealy, derek luke, laz alonso. clint eastwood’s ‘gran torino’ and even his directing of an AWESOME, incredibly moving movie ‘the changeling’ these works should be nominated. i’ve seen ‘the wrestler’ and hated it and i just don’t get marisa tomei’s nor mickey rourke’s nomination, i can see evan rachel wood for her performance but not marisa, even though i dig her too. but with hollywood, there’s something about strippers and nominations…and i can dig it…just not hers not in this. i also can’t see robert downey jr. for “tropic thunder,” that troubles me and he’s a great actor.

i do support these noms…angelina jolie in ‘the changeling’ (she was freaking amazing), viola davis in ‘doubt,’ meryl streep and philip seymour hoffman in ‘doubt,’ taraji p. henson and brad pitt and the movie they were in together, “the curious case of benjamin button,” i support, “slumdog millionaire’s” nom…this year i would have added will smith and rosario dawson, both were tremendous in “seven pounds.” heath ledger is a definitely good nomination in my opinion, also.

this whole ny post thing is nutzo as well and i shake my finger in shame at the cartoon. how lousy and reckless whatever their intent. we as a people should not support it, the message, the violence of the cartoon…what is the message of it anyway? is it a BIG deal? NO…but it’s reckless and unintelligible, that’s all.

i’m thinking that i am gonna go old school. i love my digital camera but nothing beats the feeling of holding a 10 year old photograph or a 20 year old photograph. i don’t want usb cables to direct my storage much anymore. i want to manual focus, set my aperature and blur my picture if i want. don’t give me photoshop, let me add filters and natural lighting effects. nothing beats that…you lose your juice, your files are erased your pictures are gone, man. i wanna stop living like that. i want that old beauty back. i’ve been searching for a suitable upgrade from my photography 101 pentax 35 mm camera…the one i used to hone my black&white developing skills. developer, stop bath and fixer…the chemicals that made it all come alive.

and my mood changes today at the ticking of seconds, it’s been this way all day and i’m off, distracted by yet something else. the older i get the more i realize my status does little to ward off this mental behavior…for i am indeed happy…and we all have these days and i cannot pinpoint them down to any one movement…thing…it’s just the ticking of this life while we jumble everything around…beneath this vast and beautiful sky.

led zeppelin said it best in ‘ramble on’:

“Leaves are falling all around,
It’s time I was on my way.
Thanks to you, I’m much obliged
For such a pleasant stay.

But now it’s time for me to go,
The autumn moon lights my way.
For now I smell the rain,
And with it pain,
And it’s headed my way.
Ah, sometimes I grow so tired,
But I know I’ve got one thing I got to do”

throwing candy hearts over my shoulder…

(and loving pablo neruda…) AND…i think it’s funny how we say ‘good night’ in the morning.

happy heart’s day.
solo o doble

September 8th
by Pablo Neruda

Today, this day was a brimming cup,
today, this day was the immense wave,
today, it was all the earth.

Today the stormy sea
lifted us in a kiss
so high that we trembled
in a lightning flash
and, tied, we went down
to sink without untwining.

Today our bodies became vast,
they grew to the edge of the world
and rolled melting
into a single drop
of wax or meteor.

Between you and me a new door opened
and someone, still faceless,
was waiting for us there.

well…cool…

was looking about on okayplayer.com and found this gem. should be kewl can’t wait to gander.

“This past Saturday in Salt Lake City, Utah a film debuted at the X Dance action sports film festival called Whitewash, directed by Ted Woods. Although you may not have heard of it yet, Whitewash, the documentary, is a film exploring the complexity of race in America through the struggle and triumph of the history of black surfers. It is narrated by Ben Harper and Black Thought, and tells the story through the eyes of black surfers and historians from Hawaii, Jamaica, Florida, and California. The film is being scored by The Roots, with music from Erykah Badu as well. Let’s hope it hits the big theaters soon so we can all catch a glimpse of this historic exploration of race, identity, and surfing culture.”

source: http://www.okayplayer.com/news/Whitewash-World-Premiere-Music-By-The-Roots-E-Badu-.html

marbles

so yeah, i’m sitting here listening to atmosphere, this awesome rapper out of minneapolis. he’s freaking coo’ and i haven’t been able to detach myself from territorially diggin him. the temperature outside is 38 degrees and my window’s cracked ’cause my fireplace is on…ain’t that odd?

i watched a bit of katie couric’s grammy interview show in between watching the cavs play. i am mad obsessed with the cleveland cavs. anyway, i watched katie interview justin timberlake and it was a standard laffie-funny kinda interview but when she interviewed lil wayne she just had to ask him about weed and syrup. and about being a role model. those were the only two interviews i watched but i think it was just kinda stereotypical to always have to take it there. always. and it’s always rappers…always especially on mainstream tv. always. so typical. who cares? i don’t.

over dinner at a greek restaurant yesterday i had to hand over the ‘weeds’ season three dvd i had grown so close to. and will have to wait forever to see season four. not fair. anyway, my wine was awesome, sweet and robust and had a hint of honey but my friend really needed to go to restroom but these little girls were like playing, going in and out of the door. and my friend said she’d been drinking water all day. so we decide that she should sneak into the men’s restroom. she did, quite successfully but said she saw the oddest of things. a cocktail shrimp in a urinal. yikes!

i’m really disappointed with hollywood’s academy awards noms this time. what’s wrong with hollywood? better yet, ‘miracle at st. anna’ comes out on dvd feb. 10…tell me why that wasn’t nominated for ‘best film,’ ‘best director.’ and why the heck marisa tomei for ‘the wrestler’? her character was waaay flat and the stereotypical stripper…and why not ‘gran torino’ which is actually really good even though i hated the previews…i was sooo wrong.

much respect to president obama for stickin it to all those high powered CEOs who robbed the working man/woman for 8 effin years. much respect to obama for recognizing the crime and seeking to fix it…he’s done so much already. i find it bananas that you have these freakin critics of the stimulus package who issued president bush a blank check for years…we are in this mess because of the wealth distribution problem AND the war in iraq. the economy is not working right now because the people who power it worked their 9-5 for pennies…couldn’t even buy jack to stimulate the economy. and this is what we have…present speak…did you know that over 11 million people are not working…that means no one’s buying…and if you are unemployed and have no insurance if you get sick that’s more money right out of your pocket that could possibly bankrupt you. crazy times….

i’m all over the place tonight but all i was planning to say in this blog is that i kinda looked into a quote someone had posted. someone i respect. sooooo, i did some investigating and will leave some of what i am captivated by. i don’t know much of anything about anais nin…but i love the way she thinks.

have a good weekend, stay warm if you’re cold and stay cool if you’re hot…

the impressive quotes of anais nin ( a cuban-french author made famous by her journals )

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”

“This diary is my kief, hashish, and opium pipe. This is my drug and my vice.”

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

“I postpone death by living, by suffering, by error, by risking, by giving, by losing.”

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world not possibly born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

“I am an excitable person who only understands life lyrically, musically, in whom feelings are much stronger as reason. I am so thirsty for the marvelous that only the marvelous has power over me. Anything I can not transform into something marvelous, I let go. Reality doesn’t impress me. I only believe in intoxication, in ecstasy, and when ordinary life shackles me, I escape, one way or another. No more walls.”

“Something is always born of excess: great art was born of great terror, great loneliness, great inhibitions, instabilities, and it always balances them.”

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing.”

“Dreams are necessary to life.”

atmosphere’s dreamer…for you to listen.