angles and angles and angles

digital cameras are fun…creative, convenient…sneaky. and criminal. wicked. and make humans (esp. me) a looming, loon, narcisstic pig-girl.

i sometimes try and free up the clutter that is hangin out on my computer. i try to purge stuff i just no longer need and then i get to my pictures. it hurts my inner girl heart to find that in the midst of pictures of friends and the occasional celebrity or family encouter…i have zillions upon zillions of pictures of me, taken by me. doing the weirdest stuff for the weirdest of reasons.

like for the sake of showing a pair of shoes to a friend…by digital cam – i have at least 8 different angles. who really should take a picture of their own feet in wussy doc martens on top of two different ’surfaces,’ my closet door being one…i’ve at times used…the ceiling (lol) but why??? why have i used my own shower curtain as a background because of the color of my blouse. why do i need a sneaky picture of you at an office function that NO ONE saw me take? why do i think that it would be cool to snap a pic of me reading a magazine with angelina jolie on the cover? what inner voice was it that told me that i needed a photo of a photo? oh, and i’ve learned that shadows are not so sexxxy in retrospect. and if i couldn’t get a non-shakey pic of the chicago skyline after 4 times…why did i keep trying…while i was driving?

i don’t get it and hopin i’m not the ONLY one…
yet…i refuse to delete ANY of them.

and now that my phone has a camera, let alone video capabilities, did i really just send you that vid of me and what happens when i listen to chaka khan’s ‘clouds’ or was that a dream?

aw, hell!!

here’s ‘clouds’
truss me…it’ll have u doin it too.

Clouds – Chaka Khan

soft shoulder

you ever get that icky feeling that hollywood hyped romantic comedramas have mis-steered the mitsubishi of your heartstrings only to get you into a really hot hot…wheels spinnin, grindin ditch?

i wonder this of myself sometimes. but am not willing to blame hip hop…as the media is amped to do these days…it would be easy to blame hollywood for my car crashes. my interrupted cross country drive car & driver experiences. dang! why am i so neurotic…esp. in the ‘romantic’ slow lane. why am i always wonderin. why am i always…soooo dramatically unsteady. why my palms sweat so bad on the clutch? why am i so quick to pump at the breaks? why does external bad weather affect my internal vision, especially at night? why am i trying to drive this car…like my old ten speed huffy?

i can’t blame movies. i can’t blame my family. i can’t blame my friends for my breakneck wanna be underdog, needing to be assured 24/7…better yet 36/7 (???) meanderings and musings when i could just be calm and enjoy. i do think i’m worthy of unconditional love. comfort. but why do i always feel like i need to keep checking the tire pressure? why am i sometimes soooo curious about the blind spot? and better yet, who can i blame for it?

who?

brings to mine ’soft shoulder’ from ani difranco’s album ‘to the teeth’

“two people pulled over on the same night
to look up at the same stars
they both found their wheels
were spinning in a soft shoulder
when they got back into their cars
they missed fate’s appointed rendezvous
and then a whole lot of time went by
and finally they were done worshipping
the landscape and they put down their hands
and moved into the sky
and they had barely said hello
and it was time to say goodbye

goodbye …”

and while that love was a quickie…
i guess the understanding is that when you find that person who wants to spin with you…in that wicked ditch, help u up, dust you off, as you do it for them…then there’s just no reason to drive alone.

(thank you)

do it, justice like…

love that is…i was getting some of my favorite poets together for my favor-RIGHT…scored with this nikki giovanni great.

Resignation

I love you
because the Earth turns round the sun
because the North wind blows north
sometimes
because the Pope is Catholic
and most Rabbis Jewish
because winters flow into spring
and the air clears after a storm
because only my love for you
despite the charms of gravity
keeps me from falling off the Earth
into another dimension
I love you
because it is the natural order of things
I love you
like the habit I picked up in college
of sleeping through lectures
or saying I’m sorry
when I get stopped for speeding
because I drink a glass of water
in the morning
and chain-smoke cigarettes
all through the day
because I take my coffee Black
and my milk with chocolate
because you keep my feet warm
through my life a mess
I love you
because I don’t want it
any other way
I am helpless
in my love for you
It makes me so happy
to hear you call my name
I am amazed you can resist
locking me in an echo chamber
where your voice reverberates
through the four walls
sending me into spasmatic ecstasy
I love you
because it’s been so good
for so long
that if I didn’t love you
I’d have to be born again
and that is not a theological statement
I am pitiful in my love for you
The Dells tell me Love
is so simple
the thought though of you
sends indescribably delicious multitudinous
thrills throughout and through-in my body
I love you
because no two snowflakes are alike
and it is possible if you stand tippy-toe
to walk between the raindrops
I love you
because I am afraid of the dark
and can’t sleep in the light
because I rub my eyes
when I wake up in the morning
and find you there
because you with all your magic powers were
determined that
I should love you
because there was nothing for you but that
I would love you
I love you
because you made me
want to love you
more than I love my privacy
my freedom my commitments
and responsibilities
I love you `cause I changed my life
to love you
because you saw me one friday
afternoon and decided that I would
love you
I love you I love you I love you

oh the extension!!!

so i’ve regally learned my end date and it has been extended just a little bit. will it really happen? me…a small girl looking up into the darkness of hovering clouds…asking, “is it really gonna happen? is it ever gonna happen?”

a rather intoxicating conversation with a boston-born chica…talking about vegas like it’s the answer. not sure what the answer is…still searching. but officially adding vegas to the list in its own category. and flaunting a more pr/marketing hint to it…as suggested by the boston born-chica who gets really upset with me…it’s almost usually a sort of mr. miyagi moment…me=danielson. but i think she just really wants me to succeed. God bless her heart.

anyway. tomorrow i will leave on a trek to have my resume reworked or uplifted for a grand total ($$$)…a friend of mine tried careerbuilder’s resume service and started getting calls the following week. i prefer to go and have a sit-down, face to face first…so we’ll see how it goes.

wish me luck. while i wish YOU luck.

i’ll keep you posted.

“when she smiles she lights the sky”

by plantlife is kickin’ me arse…enjoy. ok?

so, on my way to the forum

…i was asked a question here…recently. and here’s my one good answer.

me: firstly, wordnerdgeeks and poetics make the best lovers because they’ve spent youthfuls of time lonely and dejected. therefore when it comes time to exercise their lonely prowess against another kindred spirit…they allow their souls to kiss. secondly. i’ve never studied under the genius kiss theory. i only do what my soul says do.

either i’m hecka fly or in need of mental assessment. you allowably be the judge.

oh….’sex in the city movie’ real…good. yeeee-ap…real good.

cities cities cities & me

ok…so the storm begins where before i was calm and slightly elated that my company’s outsourcing would be my initial kick to get out of this city (yes, columbus, ohio), i’m falling into a bit of a funk and frenzy. my time is short and i’m torn. i have to make this leap, and i’m afraid. i have to go…but i just don’t know where.

i have approximately a month to do some pretty major things. they are:
convince / coax someone i’m hireable holding a master of science degree…
meet someone who can get me in…my last ditch chance was a contact at columbia…haven’t heard back after sophisticated yet almost begging check in…
or just…(gasp)
pack my car with my movies. music. computer. and…drive.
this all seemed so cinematic before…reality has put the fear into this girl.

however, i do have a more narrow idea of where i want to go…with the help and essay driven questions and answers from and of a few friends. research. salary / cost of living calculators and many many many polls.

here’s the list:
new york city/brooklyn/or even jersey – pros…everything! cons…soooooooo expensive

los angeles – pros…city, sun, opportunity and my love for film…cons soooo expensive and the cost to drive it would be close to what??? right!

las vegas or phoenix…pros…sun / cons…too far a drive…again

jacksonville, fl – A STRONG CONTENDER for job opportunities, sun and beach. (leaning towards this area because it’s still seemingly doable and risky enough)

atlanta, ga – pros…would love a cnn gig…

raleigh/durham/cary, nc – pros…my dream team has done wonderful at convincing me. both i ultra respect as high as could be and still A STRONG CONTENDER…cons…i want a fast fast city setting. but then again, there’s the dream team.

washington, dc – pros…opportunities galore, my love for politics. cons…sooooo expensive.

so…that is what is going right now. my job expected to be outsourced to india in about 30 days…after which…i plan to … move. um…somewhere.

wish me luck…send me some suggestions. and uh…i am seeking anything, boasting experience in HR and writing…but not limited to such.

i guess i’m legit now

so…i made the jump. i made the leap…the dramatic leap from being a girl to a woman. from being soft to hard…a regular erryday person…to a regular erryday person…with a cell phone contract. for sooooo long i refused to join the powers of the cell-attached ’cause frankly i didn’t want to be a part of that crowd. moving into the intricate phase of always being on the phone…everywhere. i didn’t want that…and opted for a nice little pay as you go…virgin mobile cell aspiration. until i saw my seven year old friendkins at the movies with phones the size of their heads, until i got pissed while someone was texting and causing a beam to shine upon my face when i went to see ‘baby mama.’ until i just wanted to be cool (again).

after careful research and acknowledging my love of texting…last night…i did it. i purchased the darn thing.

my new ringtone:

aren’t you proud of me?