so year…2007

so year…2007. i’m sorry, but i’ll be glad to see it go. it was a good year. i met some really cool people and have been hurt by a few. but, that’s expected. and am still perplexed by one certain experience. i try and learn from my past…this one…is where difficulty reigns. and the scenario lies in my own lap. this person probably has no idea. but i was sorta approached by them…and the accelerator jumped from 0-150…and i reciprocated as much as distance would allow. but it was something more…visceral than concrete. i’d see them…their pictures and experienced something i’ve never had before. i could envision myself there…inside the picture with them. really because it seemed that when this person, reached out to me…i was there to feel this void and they were there to fill mine. their emails made me blush…and i did the girl thing…where i rushed them off to the ‘girl police.’ my friend and i talked about it. she gave good advice and it was my instruction to ‘take it slow.’ and it was also like…it was like i felt that they were telling me, that something was telling me…this is the one that you were looking for, well for a little while…that my distraction could lie safely in their arms for a while. everything, well, most everything seemed promising.

so just when things were good…workable…they disappeared, never to be heard from again…and i mean, it has been months. a sort of bonfire…then ash.

my heartbreak ‘adage’ is so apropos for me…so appropriate that it stings sometimes. or i’m just fatalistically idealistic. i know that i set myself up for way too much hurt sometimes. and i think i just or that i should just expect it from here on out. and if the result is a good one, then i’ll be really surprised.

anyway, i did some minor checks on this person…and although we are not completely severed…i mean i just met them this year…mid summer…there’s enough evidence that i was just a fluke…and that kinda sucks.

it’s livable…but it really sucks.

other than that…i will try and roll with the punches this life will be sure to deliver. i’ll try to write better, stay open…become more open, communicate better, become more convicting to my desires as long as they don’t harm others and mature, i’ll try not to sweat the small stuff. try to make better friends/relationships in the future…and close my eyes…and jump.