if i like it, i do it

because i’m a writer (prolly more because i am human) i analyze…like a lot. and i’ve discovered it is really really excruciatingly hard for me to do something if my heart isn’t in it. enter: my job search. i always feel overwhelmed and desperate. and defeated. a talk with a beantown friend…she told me i looked defeated. i didn’t want to hear it but she was right. so, to help me…to help me succeed in doing something i’ve lost heart in…i’ve devised a plan. maybe it will work for you as well.

my title above is from a jamiroquai song…from the album ‘emergency on planet earth’ and it so suits my personality. i’m a pleasure addict…i could do what i love 24 hours a day. i love the idea of moving and getting new work and a new environment…this has to be achieved for the good of me. so my heart is there…it is lacking in the process.

here’s an antidote if you feel overwhelmed:

commit to a livable goal. this blog keeps me motivated. but i will try to commit to making one job inquiry or contact every day. 30 days breaks way to 30 new leads, 30 new possibilities a month. it is minimal, hopefully some days i will do even more…but the minimum could provide promising results. so just do one thing toward your goal…one day…one thing. be happy, go for your goals…and fight complacency and that feeling of being overwhelmed. if you wanna learn the guitar, japanese and juggling. commit to each just once…every day for a manageable non-demanding span of time. or take an hour and divide it for each desire. in two months you’ll be a heckuva lot further than working on the guitar for four hours on tuesday and never again for the rest of the month.

job gasp!!

my love affair with jobfox is OVER. after keeping my blasted info on for what, a couple weeks, i’ve yielded nothin nuthin nada. and i haven’t figured out how to delete my account with this jittery feeling that someone is siphoning the info out of it to sell sell sell. but a friend of mine is telling me i haven’t given it enough time…gee…i dunno. i see no indication that this site is even operational.

i believe that internet job searching doesn’t work anymore. that the bare necessity is human contact. i think that getting a job off the internet is like the off chance of seeing orlando bloom at pizza hut, you know you got your ish together and that it is tight, but like two million other people are trying to get at him too…and the odds of you getting to him…are well close to none. it is not that you aren’t right, it is just that the avenue is clogged up. and maybe he feels that way about you. trying to reach for the real…but the avenue is too full for contact. i think that i should pull myself off of every job site i’m listed on and just make contacts. which is hard. for every job i’ve applied for with a major site, i’ve only heard a few really astounding success stories and none of them have happened to me.

new tip:
if you are looking…tell as many people as you can. i find that doing this gives me new leads…meaning a friend of mine is really interested in toronto. from our conversation she gave me a new slant…a new avenue. you never know who knows what and who they know. so tell people. another co-worker insisted i send her my rez because she knows someone who works in a locale i’m really interested. and in return, be sure to offer help. she’s looking elsewhere, so i told her i’d help her out as well.

keep up the good fight!

job jizzy, captain’s log stardate one one one one two zero zero seven

i found a site worth trying. it is not anything that i’ve ever used or heard of before. at this point i’m so through with major job sites like monster and careerbuilder and even craiglist…although i love craigslist…la la love it!

to me the bigger job sites are like finding someone really attractive, making a point to meet up with them, then finding out they have absolutely nothing to talk about. or better yet, having a killer date only to never hear from the object of desire ever again. you have two weeks floating about on planet worthlessness and consequently feeling un-seductively loved. hurts, man.

my tip for today…try jobfox.com
positives
- the visuals are beautiful for a job site
- it’s easy and fast
- it creates your own job map
- you get to tell potential employers a lot about you
- the matches of listings are really cool
- you get your own url

negatives
- you can only apply for ten jobs at a time
- i haven’t figured out how to make my profile multi-city oriented, it’s only operating with one desired locale

update 2 ‘indecision 2007/08′

so while some of the cities on my list are hot and bubblin…what i will do here is chronicle my progress. and hopefully some way somehow it will help/assist someone else get something, get away, get out. and lastly, hopefully it will benefit me as well.

my main drive(s) are two things. i need out because i need to survive artistically, socially and i need to grow. besides due to major job loss, the mortgage crunch is here…heavy. that says something about the job market.

this will be my place to motivate the job movement. and hopefully to motivate and educate others. this will be our thing. i’ll give you some tips…maybe you’ll tip me…and we will be on…our…way.

my other drive is the way of most corporations these days (it seems) outsourcing. it is happening to my department. i work for a huge global company. my department was taken over by an outsourcing company. we are not allowed to apply for our original company job postings until we have been severed. yes, crappy. and my original company is EVERYWHERE…sorta like VISA. (sorry for the pun but it is so true).

and i know i said two drives, but there is a third…my passion. it is just not in this place. i’ve looked.

what i will do is blog a bit about what i’ve tried, how, when, who i’ve networked with…and what has been successful.

my places of interests? still undefined.

okay. stay tuned.

one tip i’ve learned:
needing an effective resume. sometimes this can be expensive. and sometimes it is worth it. check with someone you know first.

however, my grad school has a career network. professionals proofread and suggest changes to resumes for free. they also offer free career coaching. a few weeks ago i communicated with a tv producer about career transistion into the entertainment industry for someone with my background and experience and i got some helpful advice.

the show? a certain medical tv show…

now remember, you should share your success story. that’s the deal. i already have a running expectation with my “better half” at work. the first one of us that lands a new job owes the other dinner. you don’t owe me dinner, just the story.

okay…good luck…stay tuned.

wicked wisdom

i adore john mayer. i’ve been listening to his album ‘continuum’ and it is the sorta thing you can zone out to. it is dangerous for me to drive to on a fall afternoon but nonetheless i do. it is also full of love pain of which i don’t always like to swim in.

anyway, i’ve also managed to craft the perfect answer to a pick-up line. it is simply, ‘you wanna know me? me, my insecurities and my issues? read my blog, it’s a to be continued.”

here’s ‘i don’t trust myself (with loving you)’ by john.

it is wicked wisdom.

JOHN MAYER

“I Don’t Trust Myself (With Loving You)”

No I’m not the man I used to be lately
See you met me at an interesting time
If my past is any sign of your future
You should be warned before I let you inside

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don’t trust myself with loving you

I will beg my way into your garden
I will break my way out when it rains
Just to get back to the place where I started
So I can want you back all over again

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don’t trust myself with loving you

Who do you love?
Girl I see through, through your love
Who do you love me or the thought of me?
me or the thought of me?

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don’t trust myself with loving you

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever gets you through through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don’t trust myself with loving you
I don’t trust myself with loving you
I don’t trust myself with loving you
I don’t trust myself with loving you

- -

- -

stay fun!

my squishy red heart

i find now that i tell people stuff i didn’t used to. i’ll tell them i love them or that i miss them with little or no fear. upon ending a letter or note, if necessary, i’ll scrawl “love” because i mean it and i want them to know when before i was way to shy to do it. i have felt the sentiments before (of course), a lot (of course) but out of fear and and not wanting to model vulnerability, kept quiet and maybe just smiled, made a random joke, changed the subject or ended the letter with ‘take care.’ i just fought the feeling because it would show just too much of me. and i so didn’t want to be perceived as weird for using ‘love’ truthfully. (strange to think about that now) i still shudder at being totally exposed. special people/friends should know what i feel…all in the right context and at the right time.

i guess it is growth and maturity. the shedding of insecurities. and it feels good.

or…i could be losing it.

either is heavily plausible.

aye.

indecision 2007/08

i have a friend from brooklyn who won’t let me forget brooklyn. so, i’m thinking about brooklyn…when she talks about it…it is like her eyes glaze over. so every now and then she’ll send a bit of housing info…even though she doesn’t live there herself.

then enters…

my indecision 2007/08

where do i want to go?
(this said while listening to jamiroquai’s song “planet home”)
“there’s no place like planet home
i want to go now
if only we could make it right”

well i know my planet, but i get a little antsy about the cities within the continent, more specifically in the united states in which i currently reside-but that could change also.

so, i also have a friend who is contemplating a move to boston, interviewing and everything. “i could take you with me” they say.

but i don’t wanna do boston…again.

so, i took this quiz from the web site:
http://www.bestplaces.net/fybp/

here’s what it offered me. i had to limit the list to 30 while it gave me hundreds:

interestingly enough … COLUMBUS ranked #123.
and a secret fascination for me…MIAMI at an eager #32

1 . San Francisco , CA (see San Francisco, CA)
Econ.–C, Housing–C, Educ.–A-, Health–A
Crime–C+ Rec.–A+, Culture–A+, Trans.–A+

2 . Boston , MA-NH-ME (see Boston, MA)
Econ.–C+, Housing–C, Educ.–A, Health–A
Crime–B Rec.–A+, Culture–A+, Trans.–A+

3 . Los Angeles-Long Beach , CA (see Los Angeles, CA)
Econ.–C, Housing–C+, Educ.–B, Health–B
Crime–C+ Rec.–A+, Culture–A+, Trans.–A+

4 . Washington , DC-MD-VA-WV (see Washington, DC)
Econ.–C, Housing–C+, Educ.–A, Health–A
Crime–C+ Rec.–A+, Culture–A+, Trans.–A+

5 . New York , NY (see New York, NY)
Econ.–C-, Housing–C, Educ.–B+, Health–B+
Crime–C+ Rec.–A+, Culture–A+, Trans.–A+

6 . Long Island , NY (see Long Island, NY)
Econ.–C, Housing–C, Educ.–A, Health–A-
Crime–A+ Rec.–A+, Culture–A+, Trans.–B+

7 . Minneapolis-St. Paul , MN-WI (see Minneapolis, MN)
Econ.–B, Housing–C+, Educ.–A-, Health–A-
Crime–C+ Rec.–A+, Culture–A+, Trans.–A

8 . Chicago , IL (see Chicago, IL)
Econ.–C+, Housing–C+, Educ.–B+, Health–B+
Crime–C- Rec.–A+, Culture–A+, Trans.–A+

9 . Newark , NJ (see Newark, NJ)
Econ.–C+, Housing–C, Educ.–B+, Health–B+
Crime–C+ Rec.–A+, Culture–A+, Trans.–A+

10 . Stamford-Norwalk , CT (see Stamford, CT)
Econ.–C+, Housing–C, Educ.–B+, Health–B
Crime–A Rec.–A+, Culture–A+, Trans.–A+

the sick part of this is that two days or two hours from now…i’ll waver again. why didn’t phoenix pop up, where’s vegas. i’ve thought about vegas. um.

aye. indecision is so not sexy.

made to bend in the wind

“buildings and bridges
are made to bend in the wind
to withstand the world,
that’s what it takes”
ani difranco.

as much as i blog that i will no longer put up with “samantha” and the talk…the racially offensive talk that destroys most fun-loving conversation while work time ticks itself away and aside from putting way too much energy in even thinking/writing about this, i have decided that i cannot seem to cut her off completely.

one…we work together.
two…what good will it do.
three…will one evolve to a better person with the lack of communication.
four…on the other side of the racial crap…there’s like a good person there. a smart, sweet, intelligent person…there. this asset outshines everything else.

it is funny how life rips apart our boundaries…thru hard and soft confrontations. the longer i live the more i see that life is not so black and white…gray rocks the spectrum more than any other color.

and i guess i’m not who i was five years ago. and the very things i stood for…or against…i’ve changed…by time, various accounts, interactions, challenges, defeats, happiness, sadness-plain living. somehow i hope all of this creates a better person out of me and a more enriched life.

i think of my past ideologies…and how much they’ve faded or grown stronger. so with the fluidity of personality. i’ll bend…and on account of good character. it would be easier if she wasn’t a nice person.

and what i’ve learned is that when i do get offended…it is a point of talk for us…i’ll ask her why she feels that way…so, maybe we both will learn something.

darn niceness…it makes every anger soooo difficult.